Yesterday I had to make a choice: either to adjust to the wishes of a friend or to be true to myself. It was not an easy situation, because there were expectations and hopes on the other side, which I would disappoint if I stayed true to myself. But if I would follow his wishes and neglect my own needs and feelings, I would betray myself. I tried to explain what I wanted and needed in this moment, and I followed it. Of course my friend was very disappointed, and I don’t know if he will ever want to be in contact again. But I felt peaceful and congruent, because I did not compromise my wellbeing for approval and being loved. One of my teachers, Virginia Satir, said once (it is not a verbatim quote): “Yes and no are both beautiful expressions of love”. If you say yes and mean no, it is a betrayal to yourself and the other. If you say no and mean yes, it is the same. So always be honest in your speech and in your actions. Say and act yes, if you feel a yes, and if you feel it is a no, act and say no. You might lose some people, but you will always feel true to yourself, and that will bring peace to your heart, and it will attract those people in your life who appreciate your being.
Does anyone of you know these kind of situations? What are you doing? How do you feel?
Appeasing never brings peace.
The way you discribe the boundary was apparent to you.
Clarity is not always present and we ourselves do not recognize the lie.
We think we have said the truth. We believe that we are honest at that moment.
It might me that peaceful sensation with oneself afterwards can be an indicator, but not always.
I believe that when I am honest with myself to the extend that I am aware, that is good enough